Thursday, April 28, 2011

Royal Wedding Reptile

Sydney has apparently had its wettest start to autumn for 20 years – I can feel my Northern hemisphere brain grappling with when exactly does Sydney autumn start? It certainly feels autumnal in the sense of being wet, grey and uninspiring, with the imported London plane tree outside the front gate dropping sodden leaves.

My mind is not actually on the weather at the moment as I am completely distracted by the fact that I seem to be turning into ‘Reptile Woman’. Post beach holiday and surfing exploits (note how I dropped that last bit in), I have developed the most bizarre rash all over my lower legs. Scaly lumps and bumps is the best way of describing it and I am driven mad by the itch. A helpful friend suggested it might be sea lice – just the desirable kind of parasite every female wants, however as it is now over a week since I was last in the sea, I have discounted this diagnosis. I am reluctant to rock up at my doctor’s surgery in the grip of galloping reptile outbreak, but as my elbows are beginning to show worrying tendencies on the lumpy, bumpy, itchy front I may be forced into action before my whole body is covered. The one silver lining of the rain is that mercifully there is little incentive to bare my limbs in public as suffice to say I don’t recall any icons of female beauty called “Lizard Lady” or “Goanna Girl”.

After a relatively slow start, Royal Wedding fervour has suddenly swept Australia. In a case of ideal timing, the actual ceremony will take place at 8pm Sydney time this evening which strikes me as a perfect end to the week. I will be glued to the television trying not to itch and eyeing Kate Middleton’s perfect, non- reptilian skin with ill concealed envy.

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